Beautiful
by kurtthereisamoment
Summary: Kurt is unwanted, unloved and insecure about his looks. Enough is enough, if Kurt wants Blaine to like him back he needs to make himself beautiful. He needs to be thinner.


**This is an eating disorder fic, so if that bothers you please don't read. There may be self harm later (which won't be too graphic), but I will warn in an Author's Note at the start of that chapter.**

**This is the prologue, the next chapter will be up as soon as I finish writing it (no longer than a week).**

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><p>Kurt Hummel hid a lot. He used to have to hide from bullies, slipping into the girl's bathroom when a big group of them targeted him- which they often did- the girls didn't mind anyway; Kurt was nothing to them, just a gay kid who was too witty for his own good. He had hid his sexuality from his father for fear of not being accepted. He had hid behind singing, letting people see Kurt Hummel, the performer and not Kurt, insecure bullied kid. Now he his body behind a blazer that was at least two sizes too big for him.<p>

This was Kurt's chance to start again, to be seen attractive by other people, to be seen as someone's boyfriend, to be seen how he envisioned perfect.

Kurt was content at Dalton; he already knew Blaine and their budding friendship was something he was sure would last, the Warblers welcomed in with open arms, admiring his extensive range and showering him with support, he was finally free from the bullies who had pursued him relentlessly since 6th grade, and the education was the best available in a 250 mile radius.

What Kurt really wanted though, more than a lasting friendship and supportive peers, more than bullies and an opportunity to excel, was to love and be loved in return. He ached for someone to kiss him on the cheek, tell him he looked beautiful and offer to carry his bag. He wanted someone to have late night cuddles with, hold hands and argue playfully over whose turn it was to pay.

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><p>Dalton was the only place in Ohio where there were any openly gay students- and cute ones at that. He had seen two boys looking cosy in the cafeteria; one boy with foppish blonde hair being bopped playfully on the nose by who Kurt assumed was his partner due to the way they leant into each other, arms wrapped around waists and the small kisses they pressed to cheeks as they shared their food. Kurt was a little shocked to see them parading their relationship so openly in a public place but he was even more surprised to see how they were accepted by the people around them. Only a few envious sighs and 'aww's could be heard as the couple immersed themselves with each other.<p>

"That's Nick and Jeff," Blaine had explained at the time, "They've just reached their one year mark. I remember how upset I was when they first got together- I had a huge crush on Nick."

"Nick's the blonde one?"

"No, he's the one with the dark hair. I loved his hair- I'm a sucker for boys with nice hair."

Needless to say, the next day Kurt got up an hour earlier just to make sure his hair was coiffed to perfection.

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><p>Kurt's annoyed with himself. As if he thought Blaine would suddenly see him differently if he had done his hair nicely. Kurt's hair, as fabulous as it is, can't hide his chubby baby face, it won't hide his pear hips, it never will hide his thunder thighs. Kurt looks disgusting and it's no wonder Blaine doesn't want him. He's surprised that Mercedes ever liked him, though he quickly reminds himself that she was in love with the idea of having a boyfriend, not him. Kurt tries in vain to think of a time when anyone called him attractive. That's when Kurt decides that he's fed up of this. He's seen so many 'inspirational' quotes but that doesn't help him at all. He had seen on numerous websites that 'if he doesn't like you for who you are, you don't need him'. Blaine doesn't like Kurt for who he is, but Kurt still needs him, still depends on him. It's time for Kurt to take things into his own hands.<p>

He's going on a diet.

And he will become perfect. For himself.

For Blaine.

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><p><strong>I know people say it lots, but reviews really do make me write faster (and also make me squeal and flail rather a lot) so please do give me some feedback!<strong>


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